The Wonderful McFroogleBurger

Preparation

1. First catch your McFroogle.
2. Gralloch your McFroogle:
   • Using paramedic shears, snip through the customary ritual infibulatory sutures;
   • Using an oversized corkscrew with vigorous elbow action, eviscerate through the aperture thus obtained;
   • Set aside the abomasum and secondary hepatic plexi for a nourishing soup.
3. Boil for sixteen hours in its own blood.
4. Flay by ablation (the conscientious chef will of course keep an industrial belt-sander to hand).
5. Using a nine-inch boning knife, despatch the McFroogle:
   • Insert knife into its primary neurotic cortex (a mallet may be useful at this point);
   • Apply 450V three-phase to (respectively and simultaneously) the optical reticulum, cortex via the knife, and cloaca. Avoid reflexive eversion of neurotoxic spines as skin contact may cause irritation.
   • Strike repeatedly with weighted implement.
   • Place in weighted metal dustbin out of hearing-range of customers until death-spasms subside and rigor mortis is evident (no corneal nictation on application of boiling water)
6. Wipe off superfluous mucilage, place between fresh wholemeal buns. Garnish with parsley.